You'll end up where you are meant to be. If you just trust in the system, it will work out for you. You may not think so at eighteen or nineteen, but the system is there for a reason, so this would be one time I would recommend giving it a chance.I know, trust the system, not your own person. Scary things to suggest. But, I will offer this second gem that may upset you. At eighteen years old, you don't know what you want. You may think you know what you want, but you really don't. The thing is, the person you are when you come to college is different than the person you are when you leave it. If it isn't, you really haven't experienced college at all. I know, what a terrifying thing to say... But, more than that, it's even okay if you have a lot of the same friends... My three best friends in all the world are two people I have known since high school, and one since middle school. Four of my next closest friends, I have known for about a decade and a half (and these are scary things to hear... One of those friends constantly likes to quip "Did you know that we've known each other for sixteen years?" Yeah, it scares me too). My point is, you don't need to completely give up who you were to change. Yet, at the same time, college is all about change. And somewhere within everyone is the latent potential to change. You can't see it; the people around you, though, they see it and they know what you have the potential to become.
And I know that right now you're thinking "Yeah, but then they think I'm destined to become a loser if I can't get into their house?" Don't think that. I've always wondered why college status was so important to people, same with high school status, especially when it is a fleeting thing that won't matter in ten years, or even one for high school (and this is why so many people go back to reunions with the mindset of "check out how much better my life is than yours). The thing is, people change. It's scary to think of, but everyone is constantly changing for better or for worse, as long as they want to, of course. No one changes without wanting to. And that's the thing, suppose you don't change in college at all or after college, then you're stuck as a high school senior or a college student. And trust me now when I say that this is something you don't want.
One of my friends, Evan, has been dating the same girl (Mary) off and on for the past four or five years (I'm not sure which, since this was before I knew him, but definitely four years). I don't normally tell people what they should or shouldn't do, but in this case, he seems unhappy (though I still haven't said anything to this point). Here's why he probably seems unhappy: Mary's a college freshman now; Evan's a junior. I've only known Evan for two years now, and he's changed a great deal in those two years. In the brief time I've known Mary, she seems to have stayed largely the same... Part of me feels like Evan is grasping for the girl she was four or five years ago and Mary, being a college freshman, is more than happy to keep being a high school senior. The problem here, then, is not on Evan's end, because it seems as though she's largely the same. The problem here is on Mary's end: Evan has changed. And so they constantly get into fights over and over again. And Mary might even be avoiding a change because she knows he likes her the way she was. She could even be entirely different now, but hiding it... And that's no way to live either. This situation isn't good for anyone involved. And really, I think all of Mary's problems would be solved if she went Greek, instead of living vicariously through Evan's Greek life--but that's another issue entirely, and, not the point of this posting. The point of this story is, people change. And if they don't, maybe they have and no one really knows. And maybe they'll be unhappy in a few years and so forth. The point here is, people change.
To tie this back to my previous statement, at eighteen years old, you don't know what you want. Future you is a glimmer you don't even want to think about yet. Trust me, four years ago, I thought that my imminent graduation from college would never come. Four years later, I'm wondering where my time went... That's what's awkward and nice about this blog all at once: I'm telling you what went on four years ago, while giving the hindsight of four years later. Please learn from my mistakes. But I digress... My point is, at eighteen, we are all striving to be someone different than we were or largely the same as the person we were, but neither of these things will amount to the person we will be. Let me tell you another story. It's about me this time.
When I was a college freshman, I so desperately wanted to be something different and new that I staked myself on it. I will admit now that there are many days freshman year that don't stick out to me in the way they probably should... And some time during that year, I decided that the best way to change myself was to go blonde. A physical change for a personality change, if you will. In hair color lore, blondes are more social, more fun, and more confident. All of these are things I wanted to be so desperately. The problem here is that I was already starting to be all of these things as my natural brunette self. It just wasn't as apparent to me because it was a slow process. And that's fine. Changing suddenly is a terrible way to go about things, especially when it's superficial. But that is beside the point.
At nineteen years old, my blonde and confident self went into recruitment knowing that I was going to be a shining star. And in some ways, I was. In other ways, I was not. But, my life philosophy has always been "Que sera sera, whatever will be will be (with effort)," but you will hear more on that later. The point is, I was trying and things were turning out the way they would. Plus, my Rho Gammas constantly said "You'll end up where you were meant to be." And I decided that that was exactly how things would happen. And at the end of the week, I celebrated exactly where I knew I belonged and was clearly where I was wanted by those sisters. It may not have been where I thought I should be originally, but four years later, I wonder why I thought I should be anywhere else.
And that is the point of this rant. I ended up exactly where I should be and at nineteen years old, I certainly thought much differently. So, my first piece of advice in getting into the house you want is that: you might not know what you want at eighteen or nineteen. Even when you think you do. And that's okay.
Here is the reason why that is okay: Most freshmen are scared to admit that what they are really looking for in a Greek house is a family and a home. So they will say they want it for the parties and the instant popularity. The problem with this is, somewhere along the way, the two get crisscrossed and the drive of a freshman potential new member becomes "The house that has the most fun and is the most popular is a place where I will find a family and a home." And sometimes, this is the case. More often than not, though, it is hardly the case at all. It's time for an example. I love example time! We're using simple math because, math is not my forte (I'm an English major, sorry if that's a big shocker to you).
Let's say that nine hundred girls sign up for formal recruitment at a school with nine NPC sororities. And out of some spectacular miracle, all 900 girls stay in the process until Preference Night and sign their bid cards and all 900 girls receive a bid, so then each of the nine NPC sororities has 100 new members.
In a perfect world....
The problem with this is that all 900 of those girls may be gunning for only a few houses. Tiers exist, I hate them, but why ignore the reality that they exist? Let's use it to further our example. So, let's say that out of these nine houses, two of them are top notch and two others are "second best" and the other five fall somewhere after that. Girls may really like some of those other five houses, but you can expect that all 900 want those top two houses, and then they're split down the middle for the next two--probably depending on which one they feel better fits them. Well, mathwise, can 900 girls all end up in two houses? No, not with our perfect every house gets 100 girls math. So, the "top 200" girls get into the top two houses. I use quotes here because this is the way an eighteen or nineteen year old PNM will see it, but definitely not the real life case. Freshman can be really fickle. Anyway, so after that, the next "best 200" will be split among those next two houses. The rest of the 500 fall somewhere into the other five houses.
So, we've started to move into real world statistics, but we still kept our perfect math. Here is the reality of it, those 900 PNMs who started will not all make it to Preference night, because all 900 want the same four houses, give or take, and unless something truly terrible happens to them at one of those houses, they will not change their minds baring some kind of malicious act from the powers that be. That malicious act may be that something truly terrible happens to them at said house or, the more likely possibility, that they are not considered part of the "select few" to be invited back.
Let's get back to our math, and we will keep using our simple math. These things though, tend to be more complicated, but I like simple math (see: English major).
The first day of recruitment, all 900 girls go to all nine houses. The next day, only 700 girls can be invited back to each house. So in our ideal math world, 700 girls can be invited back to a top house and a secondary house. There's a chance a girl will be invited to all four. More than likely, it's a combination of the four. And sometimes none of them. If something terrible happened the day before, a girl could brush this off and move on. The smart ones who take my advice (see: you'll end up where you're meant to be) will not really look at house stereotypes and be content with whatever houses are on their schedule. The majority, however, will be concerned (see: freshmen are fickle). They will wonder why they are not good enough. Or, if they happen to fall under the category of the combination of the four "good" houses (see: all houses are actually great), they will be a bit ruffled, but will move on. For the few that may have five great houses on their card, but not the four they want, they will fall into one of two categories. They will either have a good Rho Gamma/Pi Chi who will tell them exactly what I am telling you now, that all the houses are good. Or they will have a mental breakdown and not listen to reason (see: good Rho Gamma/Pi Chi) and drop out of recruitment. Let's say this happens to two hundred girls, in the interest of keeping math simple. So 700 girls go to their seven houses and numbers are back to being simple, because I really really don't like math.
The next day, the numbers keep dropping. Only 500 girls can be invited back to each house. The situation will be largely the same as yesterday, only more so because girls are more upset after being invited back to invite only rounds. In this case, it is more than likely that 100 may have dropped yesterday, but 300 may drop today over more distress. Whatever the case, in our world of perfect math, 200 more girls drop out of recruitment. So 500 girls can go to their five houses and we have simple numbers to work with tomorrow.
And we come to Preference night. When a PNM can only go to three houses and only 300 girls get invited back. There is some mathematical way in which every one of these 500 PNMs could get invited back to some combination of houses, but I am not good at statistics, so I can't really tell you their odds. The point is, 200 more girls drop out and assuming the remaining three hundred are happy with where they end up, then the next day, each house will give out approximately 33 bids. It's not quite as alarming a jump from 100 bids to 33 bids, most likely it will be upwards of 60-70 bids, but I like simple math and here is where simple math and statistics brought us. Frightening, isn't it? Starting at 100 bids and dropping to 33?
Thirty-three bids isn't good for anyone, especially when I've said that every house is a great house and everyone will end up where they are supposed to be. Besides, you may end up being one of those recruitment stars who eventually gets to choose between the top two and two second best houses and you may end up in a top house, and, a year later, you'll realize that you're unhappy and you don't actually belong there at all. Meanwhile, you could have been perfectly happy in one of the five remaining houses, or even in the three you didn't choose. Recruitment's not an exact science. It's really half trusting the system and half going with your gut. But trust the system first. Because the chances that you can drop out and then end up in one of the houses you originally wanted are very slim and, more often then not, nonexistent. It's a fact of life, albeit a hard one.
So, after that rant, the rest of my advice is a bit simpler, to say the least.
1. Adhere to your campus codes. These are different for everyone, but if your school has an unwritten rule of obtaining letters of recommendation, you had better obtain them. If your school has unwritten dress code rules, you had better dress to them. If the bulk of recruitment happens before the recruitment period, or in an interim period, follow that too. Every school is different and so is the importance of being Greek. So following these rules and norms is important.
2. Be yourself. I can't stress this enough. You may not know who you are at eighteen or nineteen and that's fine. But whoever you are, be that. Even if you're trying to change, show these women all those parts of yourself. They will make sense of it; you don't necessarily need to.
3. Have an open mind. I've already said this like six times in this posting, but it is so so important. Be open about things that might come. Things may not end up the way you hope or expect, but they will end up the way they are supposed to.
4. Have fun. Don't stress so much. This is fun. Have makeup parties with your friends. Try on outfits in a fashion show. Do karaoke. Whatever. Just let the stress off.
5. Talk it out. Don't talk recruitment out with your friends that are participating in it or a mom who may have high stakes in it, because those people can bias us. Talk about it with someone impartial. But talk about it.
6. You will end up where you're meant to end up. Yes, I said it again.
I hope this posting has helped in some capacity. It wasn't as clean cut as I would have liked, but this is how it needed to be said.
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