How people impact our lives...

From the title, you would think this would be an uplifting sort of post. It may in some sense of the word. In an entirely different sense, it probably won't.

There was something I noted briefly a post or two ago. That was, this blog is interesting in the fact that I am recounting my experience through a retrospective lens. A few years ago, the culmination of this blog may have been more fast-paced or interesting. As I recounted my day to day exploits, you all may have gotten to enjoy my life as it unfolded. How I retrieved things from my bucket list, like falling in love, and crossing it out only to find it may have been a love story, but it was only a short one. And then you would have watched me put it back on my bucket list again. Falling in love isn't always a science, unfortunately.

But anyway, this is kind of on that subject. How people impact our lives. Yesterday, I was having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend/now friend about how we view other people. I know, it sounds really deep... But not quite... It was more like this:

Deidree (that's me, if you've forgotten): Okay, so I've been wondering... How does it make sense for you to not want me to be with anyone else...
Brody: Just because I'm complicated...
Deidree: Well, yeah...
Brody: And I'm jealous... And I care about you, even if I don't want to be in a relationship.
Deidree: You do realize that makes no sense, right?
Brody: Yes. I know it doesn't make sense, except that it makes sense to me.
Deidree: Okay, but jealous of what exactly? And doesn't caring about me mean that you want me to be happy? (I laughed at this point.)
Brody: Jealousy is obvious....
Deidree: Obvious how?
Brody: I mean, you'd feel slightly jealous if I said I was dating someone that I met while we were dating... I think it's common and human nature to be jealous.
Deidree: Like I said, I didn't act on it while we were together...
Brody: And yes, I want you to be happy, but a part of me will always think that you won't be happy except with me...
Deidree: Oh, I can only be happy with you, huh? Well, rest assured, you've won this round at least.
Brody: I know, sounds bad.
Deidree: So you won't be jealous of the next guy then?
Brody: No, no... I will probably not like the next guy either.
Deidree: Why?
Brody: Because on some basic level, you are mine and belong to me... (He laughed at this point.)
Deidree: (And so did I.) How does that work exactly?
Brody: Because you do... This would be a lot more simple if you'd just accept that. (And he gave me his stupid grin at this point.)

And this is the point when anyone with a bit of sense, would burst out in a bit of outrage and conduct many google searches on this subject. I know I certainly did/am still doing it... at least a little bit.

My initial question was accompanied by a laugh, but now I'm curious. Seriously, how exactly does that work? I don't even know. Seriously, if anyone has a guess, please let me know.

Thankfully, this isn't complicated by me still pining for him. Sure, I also still care about him, because I'm a blue. It's what I do. [As a note: "I'm a blue" is a reference to a personality test where, based on assigning numbers to lists of words, a person is categorized as gold (authoritative), blue (emotional), green (intellectual), or orange (performance).]

There are other guys though... And by guys, I probably mean just one guy, where if he told me this, I might pine for him all over again. I've been thinking a lot about Evan lately, mostly because of the bad weather. I know, I know, what an odd thing to say...

It's because I had a conversation with him once where he said "Why does it always rain in Colorado while I'm not there?" It's a gross over-exaggeration, as most twenty-somethings tend to do in speech. But at the time, I thought the best response was the quip "Well, maybe you bring the sun back from California with you." And in my heartbroken state a few years ago, it chose to pour rain the day I moved back into the Tri Alpha house at RMU.

My point here is that, I guess in some way, various people still own us in some capacity... Even now when I'm thinking a bit too much on Evan... And, if nothing else, they own us in their memories, to say the least.

But I'm still not sure if this statement fills me with rage or sadness on Brody's behalf.... And then the resultant sadness on my end regarding Evan...

Relationships are complicated.

[And sorry this isn't as sap-free as I promised, but at least it's not Greek-related sappiness.]