Reevaluating an attitude

Dear Blog,

So we haven't talked since May.... Sorry about that, but as you know, I've been at work, so I hope you forgive me.

I feel like after four years, I would have learned something about FB... Looking up some people puts me in a mood. And I just have to avoid seeing them on my FB or looking them up. Well, sometimes I end up looking them up for whatever reason... And then I get in a mood. I hate that feeling.

It's worse right now because I want to see Brody (Wattson, not Slater) and I am being good and patient while Dan is in town. I hate this reevaluation thing, but what can you do? Also I'm just mad at myself for looking up Brody Slater in the first place. I just don't want to know and it's all "babe this" and "babe that." I'm a little jealous of what he has going on right now, actually.... But I would never ever admit that to him, especially when I'm still mad at him for everything that went down this spring...

It sucks to be the only single one. Two of my friends are engaged now. Two others from that group have serious boyfriends.And another with a serious boyfriend... And another, really it's just goes on like this.

And then there's me.

I just have no luck.

Right now I really like this lumberjack (you know, Brody), but I don't know what's going on with that right now, so it's very confusing... I already said I wasn't into this whole reevaluation thing, so just accept it as fact.

Anyway, I'm going crazy right now because I'm not up to anything exciting, impressive, or at all really. And I absolutely hate it. I need to get busy again for my sanity. I've started looking for jobs. It doesn't really matter as long as I'm getting paid, so... I might go against Brody's good charity to me, after all.

If only it was June, June was so exciting! I was leaving for work and my lumberjack was still bonkers over me! But that was June and I have to keep positive. Things will work out in the end; they always do.

So I need to get busy and stay positive. That's pretty much it.

And hopefully things will work out with Brody.

Skills I gained through being a collegiate in a GLO

Dear Blog,

Remember when I said I would love you the week that I decided to make you, and then the next week I would forget about you? Hi, I'm back. In my life as a Post-Grad, it seems I need some mental stimulation in order to keep me busy, and to help me to avoid unpacking my life.

Some good news for you: For a final project in one of my classes, I started reminiscing about my life, and so, I have plenty of great anecdotes mulling around in my head right now. Nostalgia is something, right? Yay for new (see: old) material.

Anyway, Post-Grad life is alright; I've mostly been unpacking. I have, however, been seeing two alumni brothers of Beta Phi, so clearly I am enjoying myself a great deal. And the Evan/Brody/whatever drama I had been having the last time I posted had gotten worse, but is now mostly out of my mind.

I say mostly because the thing about Evan is that I have something like ninety-nine good memories of him and one bad one, so when I get nostalgic, it's all rainbows and fluffy kittens and such.

The thing about Brody is that he pops up when I've all but forgotten about him or decided that I am ridding my life of him because he is poison. But he never pops up when its convenient for me. Not when I needed his Home Depot expertise to help me figure out what special plant fertilizer my rose plant, Omega, needed or when finals were stressing me out and I needed a drink (thank goodness for Cinco de Mayo). No, instead he pops up after I have decided I'm done with his drama and when he needs help finding an eighties outfit for some party... I am a bit confused, but excited that theme parties still exist outside the college world. Theme parties are my favorite.

At the moment, I am a bit annoyed that he didn't even thank me for my outfit suggestion (eighties hairband=awesome), but, more than that, I am annoyed by what he texted me to get said suggestion in the first place. "... I need your advice... Not even sure you'd know... But... Alas... I need to know what to wear to an 80s party... Any recommendations?"

First of all, starting off a text with "... I need your advice..." is never a good thing. In fact, I opened my text inbox expecting a message from my Beta Phi Brody (Yes, yes, another man named Brody... Apparently I attract Brodys and Evans in droves... Yay for me...), and instead saw "I need advice" from Brody Slater and I went from angry (Like hell I'm giving you advice on your new little squeeze!) to curiosity (Why are you asking me and not her?). So I opened it and was met with a question of my ability to dress for a theme party?

Seriously, the part of this whole thing that annoys me most (other than not being thanked) is the fact that he didn't think I could help him find an outfit for a theme party... What did I do while I was in college?

Oh yeah, I was Greek.

Anyway, despite how this started off as a "Brody, you're an idiot" style rant, it's actually about things I learned/abilities I gained as a member of a GLO. Watch out, the list is vast!

1. Theme party extraordinaire. It started the idea for this post, so of course it needs inclusion. Since there are apparently theme parties outside of college, I will walk into the world with a head for costuming and a box full of costumes to aid me in this endeavor. When will I ever need an entire cheap orange outfit? Probably never. But, if five friends and I are attending a rubix cube party, I can supply each of us with the required orange article and then successfully complete my outfit quickly. Especially if each of the five friends picked a color in advance and then distributed it amongst the six of us.

2. Photographer. Can you fit four people in a picture and center it without obscuring anyone? Can you do it when one of the people in the picture is you? I can. I can even fit five people, one still being me, in a picture with decent results. I know, I know, you don't think it's possible, but it absolutely is.

3. Networker. This can find you a date to a mixer. It can also find you a job later. So really, it's pretty much good for everything.

4. Dancing. Choreographed dances, meet your dearest friend in the near future.

5. Keeping a secret. I already had this ability, but it never hurts to add to it.

6. Sorority squats. They just make a picture look nicer. My future wedding photos will be fabulous, believe me.

7. Leadership skills. This goes without saying. But my WPM is baller. Also, I can prepare a house for a fire inspection, and not just a house, but a mansion.

8. Having a beautiful smile. It's hard to look good in a majority of photos. Sorority life has helped me to achieve this.


And, I will probably finish this later... Just wanted to post.

Holding on when we should let go...

So, in the past few days, I've been wondering something.... Well, half wondering, half thinking about it....

See, any time I wonder something about someone else, I turn it in on myself. You know, even when the aforementioned situation tends to involve me anyway. Here goes...

So remember my post yesterday when I glossed over a conversation Brody (see: recent ex-boyfriend/now friend) and I had recently? Well, I've been thinking deeply on the ramifications of said conversation.

Especially yesterday when a wine-induced Brody texted me to try and continue our previous conversation.

If I can teach everyone here one thing in the whole world, maybe even more than anything Greek related, it's this: DO NOT DRUNK TEXT. That's right, it deserved all caps and italics. Seriously, spare yourself and the people you're texting. Everyone will be better off.

Anyway, our conversation was pretty much normal (pretty much normal, hahaha.... please) until his best friend, Trevor, started texting me as well. It was mostly normal at first, to the effect of "Bring us dessert for our Riesling." And I totally understand, Riesling is pretty much a dessert wine, after all. But I digress... My conversation with Trevor ventured into the realm of weird when he stated, "I've seen Brody most happy recently with you."

Couple this with Brody's statement that "Cause... On some basic level, you are mine and belong to me..." and you get my concern (albeit with a laugh, of course).

So here is what I've been wondering: is it possible for someone to end things and still want to be with you?

I know, it's kind of a nonsensical question. Clearly someone who initiated the breakup would not still want to be with the person they broke up with... That does not make sense... And, I mean, Brody has stated explicitly that he does not think we can work, mainly because he does not think he loves me... Which is so weird to me that words can't describe it.... Well, they can, but it goes into rambling.

I just find it really odd that someone could end a relationship over lack of love, and yet, still be holding on to that other person. You do too, right? Seriously, if someone here doesn't, please let me know and please explain to me how that works because I am at a loss.

An utter loss.

And then there are the added ramifications of if he apparently does still want to hold on to me, what for? As a backup? I am no one's backup. And further more, really it's just nonsensical.

My google research points me to the idea that maybe Brody wants me back... But that's not very Brody-like, so I don't really know.

And then all the while, I sit here and think, well it makes sense. Once things are ended, you pick up and move on.

But then I've been thinking about how I'm still holding on to Evan two years later... So who am I to talk? But then again, that was an Evan-initiated mutual breakup, so what do I know? Yeah, it still probably falls under holding on when we should let go... But I guess sometimes, letting go is hard...

Boys are complicated...

How people impact our lives...

From the title, you would think this would be an uplifting sort of post. It may in some sense of the word. In an entirely different sense, it probably won't.

There was something I noted briefly a post or two ago. That was, this blog is interesting in the fact that I am recounting my experience through a retrospective lens. A few years ago, the culmination of this blog may have been more fast-paced or interesting. As I recounted my day to day exploits, you all may have gotten to enjoy my life as it unfolded. How I retrieved things from my bucket list, like falling in love, and crossing it out only to find it may have been a love story, but it was only a short one. And then you would have watched me put it back on my bucket list again. Falling in love isn't always a science, unfortunately.

But anyway, this is kind of on that subject. How people impact our lives. Yesterday, I was having a conversation with an ex-boyfriend/now friend about how we view other people. I know, it sounds really deep... But not quite... It was more like this:

Deidree (that's me, if you've forgotten): Okay, so I've been wondering... How does it make sense for you to not want me to be with anyone else...
Brody: Just because I'm complicated...
Deidree: Well, yeah...
Brody: And I'm jealous... And I care about you, even if I don't want to be in a relationship.
Deidree: You do realize that makes no sense, right?
Brody: Yes. I know it doesn't make sense, except that it makes sense to me.
Deidree: Okay, but jealous of what exactly? And doesn't caring about me mean that you want me to be happy? (I laughed at this point.)
Brody: Jealousy is obvious....
Deidree: Obvious how?
Brody: I mean, you'd feel slightly jealous if I said I was dating someone that I met while we were dating... I think it's common and human nature to be jealous.
Deidree: Like I said, I didn't act on it while we were together...
Brody: And yes, I want you to be happy, but a part of me will always think that you won't be happy except with me...
Deidree: Oh, I can only be happy with you, huh? Well, rest assured, you've won this round at least.
Brody: I know, sounds bad.
Deidree: So you won't be jealous of the next guy then?
Brody: No, no... I will probably not like the next guy either.
Deidree: Why?
Brody: Because on some basic level, you are mine and belong to me... (He laughed at this point.)
Deidree: (And so did I.) How does that work exactly?
Brody: Because you do... This would be a lot more simple if you'd just accept that. (And he gave me his stupid grin at this point.)

And this is the point when anyone with a bit of sense, would burst out in a bit of outrage and conduct many google searches on this subject. I know I certainly did/am still doing it... at least a little bit.

My initial question was accompanied by a laugh, but now I'm curious. Seriously, how exactly does that work? I don't even know. Seriously, if anyone has a guess, please let me know.

Thankfully, this isn't complicated by me still pining for him. Sure, I also still care about him, because I'm a blue. It's what I do. [As a note: "I'm a blue" is a reference to a personality test where, based on assigning numbers to lists of words, a person is categorized as gold (authoritative), blue (emotional), green (intellectual), or orange (performance).]

There are other guys though... And by guys, I probably mean just one guy, where if he told me this, I might pine for him all over again. I've been thinking a lot about Evan lately, mostly because of the bad weather. I know, I know, what an odd thing to say...

It's because I had a conversation with him once where he said "Why does it always rain in Colorado while I'm not there?" It's a gross over-exaggeration, as most twenty-somethings tend to do in speech. But at the time, I thought the best response was the quip "Well, maybe you bring the sun back from California with you." And in my heartbroken state a few years ago, it chose to pour rain the day I moved back into the Tri Alpha house at RMU.

My point here is that, I guess in some way, various people still own us in some capacity... Even now when I'm thinking a bit too much on Evan... And, if nothing else, they own us in their memories, to say the least.

But I'm still not sure if this statement fills me with rage or sadness on Brody's behalf.... And then the resultant sadness on my end regarding Evan...

Relationships are complicated.

[And sorry this isn't as sap-free as I promised, but at least it's not Greek-related sappiness.]

Recruitment at its finest

So, I wish I had pre-planned blogs that I had all written up and could just copy/paste/publish every day. Because, knowing my track record, I will be really, really, really excited about this blog this week. Next week? I'll probably forget about it. So if I had material pre-written, that would be great. No such luck here. Instead, I get up and think "what do I feel like writing today?" And then, something comes out...

But with all the talk about recruitment lately (I know, I know, two days worth), I figured it was time to share my recruitment experience. It's a retro blast from the past! And yes, I'm surprised that four years can constitute a "retro blast from the past" myself... But here we are.

So, as previously stated, four years ago, as a bubbly blonde-haired freshman, I signed up for and went through recruitment. My school, Rocky Mountain University, isn't very Greek, rather it's a western school where about five percent of the student population is Greek (if even). And back when I signed up for recruitment, the sororities had deferred recruitment. What did this mean for me? Well, entrance was based on a semester of interaction, rather than a month or two. And I feel like I may have been more impressive coming straight from high school, rather than the interim person I was Spring semester of my freshman year. After graduating high school, I was so sure of my status as a shining star (as all incoming freshmen are). Midway through freshman year, I was still sure I was a shining star, but lacking quite the same confidence in my character.

It also meant that less girls went through, and thus, less girls received bids to the houses they wanted most.

But I knew I wanted to join a sorority. I had two main reasons. First, I wanted to change and clearly this was the way to change. I was sure of it. But, I also wanted a family. I was beginning to grow apart from my best friends (or, so I thought) and I missed my mom. So, really, these were things that were important to me. I mean, and a party couldn't hurt, right?

When I went through recruitment in the spring of 2007, there were ten sororities at RMU and I was determined to get into one of them. I didn't take very detailed notes, so I apologize, but here is the story to the best of my memory...

Recruitment lasted for seven days during January 2007. Let me explain something about January 2007, it snows. And, it was awful. The sidewalks were icy, it was cold, and we stood outside for long periods of time. But let's start at the beginning.

Day One (Thursday): Preview Day
Let's see.... Preview Day is not nearly as exciting as it sounds. We went to a large classroom and learned about what the process would be like (we would go to varying numbers of houses over the course of a week), we would get a plastic baggie, and that we had Rho Gammas to help us. Then we met our Rho Gammas, but more about them in a minute. The last thing we learned was that we should "trust the process." Remember when I said that yesterday? Remember? Here is where that gem came from. And, because I have that life philosophy (see: "ques sera sera..."), I believed it. So, next we met our Rho Gammas/Rho Gs. My group had two women, Shaina and Janie. There were about ten girls in my group, including me. I don't remember most of them, but one girl, Kayleigh and I became pretty good friends through recruitment. She didn't end up joining a house though, which was always sad to me. Everyone shared why they wanted to join a sorority. I came up with all my friends being guys, which was pretty much true at that point. Let's be honest, public speaking isn't really my thing and wanting a family or wanting to change seem like pretty embarrassing reasons to a nineteen year old. We parted ways and knew we would be back there at eight AM the next day. Some girls went out, but if I had to be beautiful and somewhere at eight AM, I was sleeping.
Day Two (Friday): 1st Datebook Day One
I was pretty much up at six, if I remember correctly... And I took a bus to the same lecture hall we were in before. Today, each group would go to half the houses, and then the other half tomorrow. My Rho G group had a pretty convenient schedule, all our houses were on the same side of campus. Armed with my baggie and dressed in my most casual business casual attire. When in doubt, always overdress. It will get you far in life. Anyway... Back to the sororities. Since I don't really remember my day to day experience, I will be telling it as I told one of my best friends, Keith, later. Remember when I said to talk it over with someone who wasn't involved? Mine was Keith.

The first stop of the day: Alpha Alpha Alpha. There was a lot of dancing, screaming, jumping, smiling. Their shirts were a really ugly paisley purple color. But, they were really nice and there was this vibe to the house. They were nice. I liked them.

The second stop of the day: Kappa Upsilon Eta. They were a lot quieter and smaller. Another local chapter was helping them, and I didn't get to talk to any girls from RMU. I didn't really like that.

Third: Psi Sigma. This was one of the houses everyone wanted to be in. The physical house was gorgeous and all the girls were blonde and beautiful. And they matched perfectly. I so desired to be a Psi Sig... Until I got inside and was double rushed... The girl with me was from the same home town as our rusher. No matter how I tried to get into the conversation, I was shunned. It was horrible.

Fourth: Zeta Epsilon Theta. They were really nice and I had a good time. That's really all I remember.

Fifth: Eta Theta Epsilon. These girls were so much fun! They had a dance party and it looked like a blast! I really longed to dance with them.

So, at the end of my day, I ranked the ones I had visited so far in my head. My mental ranking was as follows:

1. Eta Theta Epsilon
2. Alpha Alpha Alpha
3. Zeta Epsilon Theta
4. Psi Sigma
5. Kappa Upsilon Eta

The next day was another eight AM wake up.

Day Three (Saturday): 1st Datebook Part Two
This day was pretty much the same as the day before. The only difference was the different houses. So, let's get to it.

First: Kappa Epsilon. I was one of the last girls to be called and that's pretty much all I remember... Oh, and their slide show was "The Fabulous Life of Kappa Ep."

Second: Alpha Zeta. I longed with all my being to be an Alpha Zeta. They were the house I most wanted. And they wore this cute pink shirt/black skirt/high heel combo that I envied more than anything.

Third: Kappa Psi Sigma. I really don't remember anything about this house... I feel terribly, but... Yeah....

Fourth: Gamma Gamma Zeta. Their house was huge! I knew that being here would be the end all be all. But they didn't appeal to me nearly as much as the Alpha Zetas... I just had nothing in common with them...

Fifth: Gamma Kappa Lambda. I knew a girl in this house and she was awesome. They were so laid back. And I got to talk to one girl. It was great. I would have loved to be a Gamma Kappa Lambda too.

So, this time, we really did get to rank the houses. I rethought through my visits of the day before and I decided that maybe I'd overlooked a few houses. My final order when as follows.

1. Alpha Zeta. I really longed to be one with my entire being.
2. Alpha Alpha Alpha. They still really stuck in my mind today, so I moved them up.
3. Gamma Kappa Lambda. So laid back...
4. Eta Theta Epsilon. So fun!
5. Zeta Epsilon Theta.
6. Gamma Gamma Zeta.
7. Kappa Epsilon
8. Kappa Psi Sigma. Even though I don't remember much about them, I know I preferred them to Psi Sigma.
9. Psi Sigma. And even though I really disliked them, I would have rather been a Psi Sigma than a Kappa Upsilon Eta.
10. Kappa Upsilon Eta. I feel badly now, but no one wanted to be a Kappa Upsilon Eta.

Day Four (Sunday): Philanthropy Day
It was snowing today. I ran out in high heels to catch the bus and was forced to go get warmer shoes. I went to high school all the time in high heels because I had these warm dress pants. But they made me change anyway... So I got driven to campus and the lecture hall. We got back our schedules and I was so excited. Until I looked at mine. Where was Alpha Zeta? Where were Gamma Kappa Lambda and Eta Theta Epsilon? I was initially heartbroken. I longed with all my being to be an Alpha Zeta. But, on the bright side, I had two of my top five: Alpha Alpha Alpha and Zeta Epsilon Theta. There was the silver lining. I also had Kappa Upsilon Eta. No one wanted Kappa Upsilon Eta... But, Keith's sister was one, so maybe they were better than yesterday... If I had any chance of talking to some RMU Kappas, of course.

My first stop today: Zeta Epsilon Theta. We made flower pens. It was fun and the girl I talked to was super nice. Their house was also really pretty.

Second stop: Kappa Upsilon Eta. This time I got to talk to a bunch of girls from RMU. It was great and they were all really excited that I knew Keith's older sister. I forgot our craft. But I was happy to talk to some RMU girls.

Third stop: Alpha Alpha Alpha. This house was beautiful. And I really enjoyed the coloring we did for our craft. The girls were really nice.

I was really envious of the other girls that had seven houses to go to, but Kayleigh and I enjoyed some lunch. At the end of the day, I thought about my rankings and went with the following:

1. Alpha Alpha Alpha.
2. Zeta Epsilon Theta.
3. Kappa Upsilon Eta. Don't judge me. I was nineteen. What did I know?

Day Five (Monday): Skits Day.
I was mostly happy with the way things turned out the day before, though I was still really disappointed about Alpha Zeta. I really longed to wear their pink shirts and black skirts combo... I got back my schedule today and it was only a bigger downward spiral. Zeta Epsilon Theta had not invited me back. And they had been in my top five all along. But, I pulled myself together and accepted that I still had Alpha Alpha Alpha. And that was what was important.

First stop: Kappa Upsilon Eta. They did a song and dance routine about sisterhood. It wasn't very interesting. They were still excited that I knew Keith's older sister.

Second stop: Alpha Alpha Alpha. Their skits were hilarious. And they were still really nice.

I had a pretty easy time ranking today.

1. Alpha Alpha Alpha.
2. Kappa Upsilon Eta.

I went to bed as soon as I could because school was the next day.

Day Six (Tuesday): Preference Night
Here's what I've decided. Recruitment should never happen during school. What a horrible, horrible idea. I rushed home and then rushed back in the closest thing I had to a cocktail dress: my graduation dress. Which I would call more a Sunday brunch dress, but it worked well enough, I think.

First stop was once again: Kappa Upsilon Eta. The girl who preffed me was lovely. We ate cheesecake, laughed, and had a great time. Keith's older sister was even there and she donned a black dress to hug me and convince me that I could find a home in Kappa.

Second stop: Alpha Alpha Alpha. We ate sorbet and the girl who preffed me was so nice. She was a singer. And just really great. They sang this beautiful song and I bawled in front of a bunch of strangers... I was surprised too.

I had a hard decision in front of me. Kappa Upsilon Eta had really grown on me... But did they only like me because of Keith's sister? And Alpha Alpha Alpha made an impression on me the very first day. And I cried...

It took longer to sort out than that, but there's the reader's digest version. Which I'm usually horrible at giving... But it's been four years.

With confidence, I ordered my houses as follows.

1. Alpha Alpha Alpha
2. Kappa Upsilon Eta

And I signed my bid card. I was still stressed out, so I really really needed my bed.

Day Seven (Wednesday): Bid Day
The second first day of school. Seriously. Recruitment and school do not mix! I wanted to nap for a week. Four years later, I have a record of getting notoriously ill afterward. Just this past year, I had an upper respiratory infection. It was nasty. My point being, no school during recruitment!

Anyway, the night before our Rho Gs had told us that they would call us if we did not receive a bid. So I nervously watched my phone all day and prayed that I would not receive a call from Shaina or Janie. It was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life.

But luckily, I did not get a phone call.

I did get in a fight with Keith over where I got a Bid to, because apparently he was privy to that information.... Probably from his sister. That's totally illegal, by the way, just saying. Anyway, I went to the ballroom in a terrible terrible mood.

I met up with my Rho Gamma group. They had written us letters. It was really sweet. And then there was a big reveal where the Rho Gs revealed their houses. It turned out that Janie was an Alpha Zeta. I was so envious. I wanted to be her more than anything. But, it also turned out that Shaina was an Alpha Alpha Alpha. That was alright with me.

Bids were distributed and I opened mine tentatively. I had received a bid from Alpha Alpha Alpha.

I went to the house with excitement because I had found my home.

And really, looking back on it, I have no idea why I longed so much to be an Alpha Zeta. Those Tri Alpha girls knew where I really belonged and they were right. I love my house and sisters more than anything. The point being, trust the system. You'll end up where you're supposed to be.

And tomorrow, something less sappy! Promise.

Okay, so now how do you get into the house you want?

I'm going to start this blog off by giving you the best advice you will ever receive. However, despite me knowing that it is the best advice ever, I also know that at eighteen or nineteen, it means very little to you. However, it is a gem I have come to believe in strongly, so at least pretend to believe it:

You'll end up where you are meant to be. If you just trust in the system, it will work out for you. You may not think so at eighteen or nineteen, but the system is there for a reason, so this would be one time I would recommend giving it a chance.

I know, trust the system, not your own person. Scary things to suggest. But, I will offer this second gem that may upset you. At eighteen years old, you don't know what you want. You may think you know what you want, but you really don't. The thing is, the person you are when you come to college is different than the person you are when you leave it. If it isn't, you really haven't experienced college at all. I know, what a terrifying thing to say... But, more than that, it's even okay if you have a lot of the same friends... My three best friends in all the world are two people I have known since high school, and one since middle school. Four of my next closest friends, I have known for about a decade and a half (and these are scary things to hear... One of those friends constantly likes to quip "Did you know that we've known each other for sixteen years?" Yeah, it scares me too). My point is, you don't need to completely give up who you were to change. Yet, at the same time, college is all about change. And somewhere within everyone is the latent potential to change. You can't see it; the people around you, though, they see it and they know what you have the potential to become.

And I know that right now you're thinking "Yeah, but then they think I'm destined to become a loser if I can't get into their house?" Don't think that. I've always wondered why college status was so important to people, same with high school status, especially when it is a fleeting thing that won't matter in ten years, or even one for high school (and this is why so many people go back to reunions with the mindset of "check out how much better my life is than yours). The thing is, people change. It's scary to think of, but everyone is constantly changing for better or for worse, as long as they want to, of course. No one changes without wanting to. And that's the thing, suppose you don't change in college at all or after college, then you're stuck as a high school senior or a college student. And trust me now when I say that this is something you don't want.

One of my friends, Evan, has been dating the same girl (Mary) off and on for the past four or five years (I'm not sure which, since this was before I knew him, but definitely four years). I don't normally tell people what they should or shouldn't do, but in this case, he seems unhappy (though I still haven't said anything to this point). Here's why he probably seems unhappy: Mary's a college freshman now; Evan's a junior. I've only known Evan for two years now, and he's changed a great deal in those two years. In the brief time I've known Mary, she seems to have stayed largely the same... Part of me feels like Evan is grasping for the girl she was four or five years ago and Mary, being a college freshman, is more than happy to keep being a high school senior. The problem here, then, is not on Evan's end, because it seems as though she's largely the same. The problem here is on Mary's end: Evan has changed. And so they constantly get into fights over and over again. And Mary might even be avoiding a change because she knows he likes her the way she was. She could even be entirely different now, but hiding it... And that's no way to live either. This situation isn't good for anyone involved. And really, I think all of Mary's problems would be solved if she went Greek, instead of living vicariously through Evan's Greek life--but that's another issue entirely, and, not the point of this posting. The point of this story is, people change. And if they don't, maybe they have and no one really knows. And maybe they'll be unhappy in a few years and so forth. The point here is, people change.

To tie this back to my previous statement, at eighteen years old, you don't know what you want. Future you is a glimmer you don't even want to think about yet. Trust me, four years ago, I thought that my imminent graduation from college would never come. Four years later, I'm wondering where my time went... That's what's awkward and nice about this blog all at once: I'm telling you what went on four years ago, while giving the hindsight of four years later. Please learn from my mistakes. But I digress... My point is, at eighteen, we are all striving to be someone different than we were or largely the same as the person we were, but neither of these things will amount to the person we will be. Let me tell you another story. It's about me this time.

When I was a college freshman, I so desperately wanted to be something different and new that I staked myself on it. I will admit now that there are many days freshman year that don't stick out to me in the way they probably should... And some time during that year, I decided that the best way to change myself was to go blonde. A physical change for a personality change, if you will. In hair color lore, blondes are more social, more fun, and more confident. All of these are things I wanted to be so desperately. The problem here is that I was already starting to be all of these things as my natural brunette self. It just wasn't as apparent to me because it was a slow process. And that's fine. Changing suddenly is a terrible way to go about things, especially when it's superficial. But that is beside the point.

At nineteen years old, my blonde and confident self went into recruitment knowing that I was going to be a shining star. And in some ways, I was. In other ways, I was not. But, my life philosophy has always been "Que sera sera, whatever will be will be (with effort)," but you will hear more on that later. The point is, I was trying and things were turning out the way they would. Plus, my Rho Gammas constantly said "You'll end up where you were meant to be." And I decided that that was exactly how things would happen. And at the end of the week, I celebrated exactly where I knew I belonged and was clearly where I was wanted by those sisters. It may not have been where I thought I should be originally, but four years later, I wonder why I thought I should be anywhere else.

And that is the point of this rant. I ended up exactly where I should be and at nineteen years old, I certainly thought much differently. So, my first piece of advice in getting into the house you want is that: you might not know what you want at eighteen or nineteen. Even when you think you do. And that's okay.

Here is the reason why that is okay: Most freshmen are scared to admit that what they are really looking for in a Greek house is a family and a home. So they will say they want it for the parties and the instant popularity. The problem with this is, somewhere along the way, the two get crisscrossed and the drive of a freshman potential new member becomes "The house that has the most fun and is the most popular is a place where I will find a family and a home." And sometimes, this is the case. More often than not, though, it is hardly the case at all. It's time for an example. I love example time! We're using simple math because, math is not my forte (I'm an English major, sorry if that's a big shocker to you).

Let's say that nine hundred girls sign up for formal recruitment at a school with nine NPC sororities. And out of some spectacular miracle, all 900 girls stay in the process until Preference Night and sign their bid cards and all 900 girls receive a bid, so then each of the nine NPC sororities has 100 new members.

In a perfect world....

The problem with this is that all 900 of those girls may be gunning for only a few houses. Tiers exist, I hate them, but why ignore the reality that they exist? Let's use it to further our example. So, let's say that out of these nine houses, two of them are top notch and two others are "second best" and the other five fall somewhere after that. Girls may really like some of those other five houses, but you can expect that all 900 want those top two houses, and then they're split down the middle for the next two--probably depending on which one they feel better fits them. Well, mathwise, can 900 girls all end up in two houses? No, not with our perfect every house gets 100 girls math. So, the "top 200" girls get into the top two houses. I use quotes here because this is the way an eighteen or nineteen year old PNM will see it, but definitely not the real life case. Freshman can be really fickle. Anyway, so after that, the next "best 200" will be split among those next two houses. The rest of the 500 fall somewhere into the other five houses.

So, we've started to move into real world statistics, but we still kept our perfect math. Here is the reality of it, those 900 PNMs who started will not all make it to Preference night, because all 900 want the same four houses, give or take, and unless something truly terrible happens to them at one of those houses, they will not change their minds baring some kind of malicious act from the powers that be. That malicious act may be that something truly terrible happens to them at said house or, the more likely possibility, that they are not considered part of the "select few" to be invited back.

Let's get back to our math, and we will keep using our simple math. These things though, tend to be more complicated, but I like simple math (see: English major).

The first day of recruitment, all 900 girls go to all nine houses. The next day, only 700 girls can be invited back to each house. So in our ideal math world, 700 girls can be invited back to a top house and a secondary house. There's a chance a girl will be invited to all four. More than likely, it's a combination of the four. And sometimes none of them. If something terrible happened the day before, a girl could brush this off and move on. The smart ones who take my advice (see: you'll end up where you're meant to be) will not really look at house stereotypes and be content with whatever houses are on their schedule. The majority, however, will be concerned (see: freshmen are fickle). They will wonder why they are not good enough. Or, if they happen to fall under the category of the combination of the four "good" houses (see: all houses are actually great), they will be a bit ruffled, but will move on. For the few that may have five great houses on their card, but not the four they want, they will fall into one of two categories. They will either have a good Rho Gamma/Pi Chi who will tell them exactly what I am telling you now, that all the houses are good. Or they will have a mental breakdown and not listen to reason (see: good Rho Gamma/Pi Chi) and drop out of recruitment. Let's say this happens to two hundred girls, in the interest of keeping math simple. So 700 girls go to their seven houses and numbers are back to being simple, because I really really don't like math.

The next day, the numbers keep dropping. Only 500 girls can be invited back to each house. The situation will be largely the same as yesterday, only more so because girls are more upset after being invited back to invite only rounds. In this case, it is more than likely that 100 may have dropped yesterday, but 300 may drop today over more distress. Whatever the case, in our world of perfect math, 200 more girls drop out of recruitment. So 500 girls can go to their five houses and we have simple numbers to work with tomorrow.

And we come to Preference night. When a PNM can only go to three houses and only 300 girls get invited back. There is some mathematical way in which every one of these 500 PNMs could get invited back to some combination of houses, but I am not good at statistics, so I can't really tell you their odds. The point is, 200 more girls drop out and assuming the remaining three hundred are happy with where they end up, then the next day, each house will give out approximately 33 bids. It's not quite as alarming a jump from 100 bids to 33 bids, most likely it will be upwards of 60-70 bids, but I like simple math and here is where simple math and statistics brought us. Frightening, isn't it? Starting at 100 bids and dropping to 33?

Thirty-three bids isn't good for anyone, especially when I've said that every house is a great house and everyone will end up where they are supposed to be. Besides, you may end up being one of those recruitment stars who eventually gets to choose between the top two and two second best houses and you may end up in a top house, and, a year later, you'll realize that you're unhappy and you don't actually belong there at all. Meanwhile, you could have been perfectly happy in one of the five remaining houses, or even in the three you didn't choose. Recruitment's not an exact science. It's really half trusting the system and half going with your gut. But trust the system first. Because the chances that you can drop out and then end up in one of the houses you originally wanted are very slim and, more often then not, nonexistent. It's a fact of life, albeit a hard one.

So, after that rant, the rest of my advice is a bit simpler, to say the least.

1. Adhere to your campus codes. These are different for everyone, but if your school has an unwritten rule of obtaining letters of recommendation, you had better obtain them. If your school has unwritten dress code rules, you had better dress to them. If the bulk of recruitment happens before the recruitment period, or in an interim period, follow that too. Every school is different and so is the importance of being Greek. So following these rules and norms is important.

2. Be yourself. I can't stress this enough. You may not know who you are at eighteen or nineteen and that's fine. But whoever you are, be that. Even if you're trying to change, show these women all those parts of yourself. They will make sense of it; you don't necessarily need to.

3. Have an open mind. I've already said this like six times in this posting, but it is so so important. Be open about things that might come. Things may not end up the way you hope or expect, but they will end up the way they are supposed to.

4. Have fun. Don't stress so much. This is fun. Have makeup parties with your friends. Try on outfits in a fashion show. Do karaoke. Whatever. Just let the stress off.

5. Talk it out. Don't talk recruitment out with your friends that are participating in it or a mom who may have high stakes in it, because those people can bias us. Talk about it with someone impartial. But talk about it.

6. You will end up where you're meant to end up. Yes, I said it again.

I hope this posting has helped in some capacity. It wasn't as clean cut as I would have liked, but this is how it needed to be said.

You ask "Should I go Greek?"

I'm going to discuss this now, you know, when no one is reading... But I feel like it's something that, if anyone ever reads this blog, will be some sort of frequently asked question. Well, actually, the people who are reading this will probably want to know how to go about getting into the house they want, but that's another problem entirely--but don't worry, I'll discuss that too.

Here are my thoughts on whether or not people should go Greek. I am a big proponent of trying everything once. A sport, food, an activity, whatever. Unless it's food and you tried it once as a kid, then you should probably try it again. Here's a list of food I used to hate that I now love: mushrooms, avocado, asparagus, artichoke, fish (sometimes). Here's a list of food I used to like that grosses me out now: hot dogs, tuna, pancakes (hopefully this one is only temporary).

So, where does the Greek system fall into this? It's an unfortunate thing that you only have a few years to think about--if you wanted to try rock climbing, for instance, you're probably fine as long as you're in good shape. The Greek system isn't something where you're so lucky. At some universities, you have about two years. At others, you have one chance. In some cases, these universities may give you three or two, respectively--but these are very rare instances.

So, let's take a look at what the Greek system offers:

• Family: The Greek system can provide a home away from home and a sisterhood/brotherhood of real friendship. Not everyone will be at your wedding when you marry, but if you ever needed an emergency hospital trip, they would take you without question. I think this is the part that really appeals to freshmen, even if they won't admit it. (see: parties)
• Leadership: The Greek system allows for members to take on leadership roles to help the house, better themselves, and learn a thing or two about what it takes to be a leader. There's the self confidence boost.... Or if you just like the feeling of power...
• Housing: This doesn't necessarily apply to all chapters, because not every chapter has housing. For the ones that do, when else will you be able to live in a mansion with all your best friends?
• Ritual: Every chapter of a national organization shares the same ritual. For this reason, if you suddenly end up moving cross country, you can either find a collegiate chapter to affiliate with (assuming your new school has your chapter) or an alumni chapter to join. Even if you all didn't join together, you share the fact that you did join and have the same ideals.
• Networking: Greeks run the world. Just look up any fraternity on Wiki and take a look at their list of notable alumni. This won't matter to you as a freshman, but it matters later in life.
• Just being a part of it: It makes the campus smaller and it gives you a chance to be a part of something larger than yourself. It's hard to explain this type of benefit, because it's something you can only understand once you're there. Membership means something different for everyone. So you really need to join to find out what it means to you.
• Social: This is probably a small benefit, but the one all freshman use for their reason for joining. You get to make new friends, meet potential dates, oh and beer... These benefits are small and fleeting. If people were just social, they could get these things without having them pre-packaged for them.

I could list more benefits, but a lot of them fall under "just being a part of it." It's something you can't really explain without being specific. And I haven't necessarily gotten this blog into the nitty gritty specific yet. I'd like to be the faceless disembodied voice of the Greek system for a little while longer, before I start reminiscing about my own time in it--though that's probably more interesting...

So, I've established the benefits of going Greek. But I've also mentioned briefly that you do not necessarily need to go Greek to get everything associated with it (see: beer). So, let me say that yes, there are other ways to gain leadership experience, make friends, and so forth. It takes a big Greek person to admit that not everyone should be Greek, and not out of an elitist nature either, rather because it's not for everyone. People have tried it and not liked it, and that's totally fine. It's not for everyone. But, I also pose this question: how do you know it's not for you if you've never tried it? That's like saying you hate California, having never been there (and you can't hate a place without going there, people maybe, but not a place).

So then, should you go Greek? Yes, to an extent. You should try it out, because there's something for everyone. I mean, how can there not be with twenty-six NPC sororities and seventy-one NIC fraternities (plus two others that left the umbrella organization)? Plus every chapter is different, so really if people would give it a chance, they might find it surprises them. Just something to think about in the "try it and see" mindset.

Why "pledged"?

Why "pledged"? Or rather, why "ΡLΣDGΣD"? That first question is an easy one. Who doesn't like making English looking words with Greek symbols peppered in? Because I sure do. It's cheesy, but it's what we do over here in the Greek system... I can't even begin to count the number of shirts I own proclaiming "GΩ GRΣΣΚ" or some other similar phrase. I have yet to figure out why an omega is used for "O" and a sigma for "E" when omicron and epsilon, respectively, would achieve the same effect, but there you go... That "P" up there in "pledged" is actually a rho, by the way.

So, what is it about the word "pledged" that sticks out when mentioning the Greek system? Let me go into a history of the term.

Prior to about the 1990s, I would say, most fraternities and sororities deemed the period prior to full membership a "pledgeship." More correctly, this could be deemed a probationary period. If a prospective member did not perform adequately or to the particular standard of the current membership, be it behavioral, appearance, task, or any other sort of standard deemed necessary by said membership, they could be removed from prospective membership. If a prospective member performed to the standard, they would be accepted into full membership. That is how a pledgeship works under the most basic terms.

Of course, with the rise of hazing (or rather, it hurts me to say, the more public acknowledgment of hazing), this phrase denoted a disparagement between membership classifications. In a broader sense, classifying a member as a pledge separated them from full membership and thus, treated them differently--because pledgeship had negative connotations (those mentioned above).

So, in sororities, national organizations traded "pledge" for the friendlier "new member"--a new member cannot be removed from membership just for being new, after all. Fraternity nationals opted for "associate member," though some still retained the moniker "pledge"--and most fraternities still utilize the associate membership as a probationary period anyway. Fraternities and sororities are different kinds of animals, so don't judge this too much.

Knowing all this, it is probably best to examine why "pledge" was used in the first place.

As a noun: "a solemn promise or agreement to do or refrain from doing something." Or, as a verb: "to stake, as one's honor." I rather like the combined definition "A solemn promise to stake, as one's honor."

I feel this is why "pledge" was chosen for a probationary membership term: those under such a term promise to stake their honor for these organizations.

Without the unfortunate inclusion of hazing and the like, I think this is a rather idealistic way to put it. By making an oath to stake our honor, a pledge/associate/new member is not necessarily giving up themselves or selling themselves out, but rather they are putting forth the effort to become the type of person the organization idealizes (and this can take a bad turn, but I did mention we were putting aside the negative aspects of such transformation).

Many people seek to put forth this oath to become something larger than themselves, or more exactly, to become the type of person they view as ideal. I feel like having these ideals to aspire to and having these rituals and purposes to live our lives through have given any pledge a higher goal and a deeper connection to life, friends, bonds, and so forth.

For these reasons, I rather like the idea of a "pledge." Call the participants a new member, an associate member, or even retain the pledge moniker. But regardless of these, I think pledgeship ultimately keeps the notion of retaining and staying true to one's ideals a real thing.

Ultimately, even if it's called something different, everyone has pledged in some capacity.